Life is meant to be shared...

Time and time again, it has been brought to my attention that life is not meant to be lived in isolation, but in community. Sometimes, this realization comes in the somewhat painful experience of being by myself with no one to spend time with. Other times, I relearn this important fact from being around other people. And oftentimes, it's a combination of those two opposing but related experiences of finding myself alone, then being with people, and then leaving and finding myself alone once more...like this weekend...

Friday evening, a notice went up in the elevator. My paraphrase version of the notice read something like this "Due to an emergency gas leak, the gas to the entire building has been turned off for an indefinite period of time. We will begin working on fixing the leak on Monday." My initial thoughts went along these lines: "No gas for the entire weekend? What the...how am I going to cook?" Trying to be the optimist, I thought it was not entirely bad. I could use this chance to try some new restaurants and maybe expend all those groupons that I have accumulated over the months.

Saturday noon, I was driving back from somewhere in Virginia, hungry, but couldn't find anyone to go out to lunch with. Spontaneously looking for lunch dates at 12:30pm on Saturday turned out to be not such a good idea. My lunch then consisted of potbelly's roast beef sandwich on wheat (which according to sign is actually multigrain) over Juno, the movie about the teenage girl who got pregnant, had the baby, gave it up for adoption, and through the process learned more about love than most people. Yep, I set myself up for highlighting my own solitude.

Saturday evening, woke up after passing out at the end of the movie. At 7:30pm, I did not even think of trying my chances of finding someone to go out to dinner with. No, instead I checked out all the "now" or "instant" deals on groupon and living social. Finally, found an decently rated Italian restaurant somewhere north of me in the District, hit the buy button, and hesitated. The thought of spending money to sit at a table and eat by myself just suddenly become extremely unappealing, even though I would be spending less money with the groupon. I toyed with the option of ordering pizza and watching something while I ate, but thought that it would take way to long and I just watched my one and only netflix DVD earlier during the afternoon. In the end, I decided to go anyways, since I need to eat, and I can just savor and enjoy the food with undivided attention. Turned out, parking around the restaurant was a beast, and after about 20 minutes of circling around, I was about to turn around and go home. But lo and behold, an open spot appeared just as i was about to give up. As I was wondering aimlessly through the allies, however, I thought once more about how different this would be if there was someone else in the car with me.

Dinner turned out to be alright, nothing super amazing, but it wasn't bad. My veal was tasty, but while the deep fried breading started off delicious, it become a heavy chore toward the end. I had to take intermittent breaks to check facebook or gchat on my phone to pace my eating. Again, this dinner would've been different if I was there with someone else, having a nice conversation over the food.

Sunday noon, lunch at church is always a great extension to the Friday night fellowship. Same place. Same friends. Different food though. Rather than the home cooked meals on Friday, the church lunch is catered from some Chinese restaurant somewhere, and there was often not quite enough food to satisfy. Today, however, was different. Either there a slightly lower church attendance or according to the ladies of the church, they had asked for extra food today. At any rate, there was plenty of left overs for seconds, which made my stomach happy. And the fun and exhilarating conversations only served to elevate my mood. A couple of us ended up planning to go out to dinner again for some bibimbap later.

Sunday evening, even though none of us was hungry from the unusually generous servings of the church lunch, we still went out for bibimbap at 5pm. I still ate a lot and felt really full afterwards, not just my stomach but also my soul felt satisfied. To share a meal is to carry out in community one of the most common and essential actions that directly relates to our own survival. When I eat with someone, we are not not only "hanging out," but also sharing life in a more fundamental way by being human together. Of course, there are many other more intimate ways to "be human" with someone. Yes, I am talking about sex, but also about starting a family. These, however are more exclusive ways, but sharing a meal is probably one of the best inclusive way to do life with others. Anyways, all this is to say, I thoroughly enjoyed those exchanges.

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Life is meant to be shared, whether it's with that special someone, or with friends and family. I had a discussion with Annie, my sister, about this not too long ago. Having grown up abroad and blessed with the chances to travel a bit, Annie and I both enjoy visiting new places and trying new things, especially local foods. Annie actually got to visit parts of Japan, France, Austria, and Amsterdam in the Netherlands on her own. While she enjoyed those trips by herself and cherished the experiences, Annie doubted that she would do more trips alone again. First of all it's not quite safe for her to travel all by herself, and even if it is, it doesn't feel as safe. Two is pretty much always better than one when it comes to safety. Also, she touched on the fact that all these fun trips, the sights and the food, are just not as good when they are not shared with the people you love. Sure, it's easier and cheaper to do all this on your own, and when you take on your significant other, family, or friends, there's a lot more planning and compromise involved. And it's just plain more expensive, which means less trips, shorter durations, and less money to spend on stuff. But the memories you create, the pictures you take, and the entire experience including the food, is just infinitely better that it makes those lone journeys seems completely bland and tasteless.

Okay, she didn't exactly say all that, but that's what I took away from the conversation and also this past weekend. Life is meant to be shared. In fact, I think a life worth living is one that is shared with others. Otherwise, what's the point? I can take the most amazing photos, but without anyone to admire them with, what's the point? I can cook or order the most delicious food, but without anyone to eat and enjoy it with, why bother? I can read the most amazing book or watch the most amazing show or movie, but without anyone to digest and discuss with, it's just another thing I do to kill time.

And once I have experience the small and great joys of sharing life with others, it becomes all the more lonely and painful to go back into isolation. All good things must come to an end. Dinners get eaten. Trips end. People go back to their separate homes. And sometimes, I find myself feeling void and empty afterwards, because I want more. Life is meant to be shared. With family. With friends. And yes, with a wife.

While I like to think I know somethings about marriage, I also know that there are a billion things that I don't know and won't ever learn till I get there, if ever. However, I think being single has been teaching me a lot about what marriage means, or at least some of the things that marriage means. Paradoxically, I, along with many other human beings, sometimes learn the best about something I want exactly when I don't have it, because when I finally get that something I often end up taking it for granted. Learning the value of always having someone there always happens when you don't have anyone. Once you have someone there all the time, however, you start missing all the times when you only have to think about me and myself and no one else. Probably some of the most common complaints that couples have against each others are the never ending responsibility that comes with having someone in your life all the time. She's always talking. He's always pestering me about this. She never leaves me alone. And so the list goes on. On the flip side, as someone who's single, the problems are the opposite. I wish I had someone to go home to. I wish someone is there to listen to me. I don't like cooking for myself. Why don't I have anyone to do stuff with?

Life is meant to be shared. Otherwise, our lives degenerate into a miserable and lonely existence that barely resembles life. We are meant to live in community. It's real, it's true, and it's life.