This semester, I am taking a sociology class that looks at the sex industry. So far, we've looked at the various kinds of prostitution, and tonight we moved onto pornography. Originally, the class was going to devote two session on this subject. However, due to the class cancellations from the snow storm two weeks ago, the professor decided to combine the two sessions into one extended session tonight. We were also expected to do two weeks worth of readings and write a paragraph commenting on each piece of reading. Therefore, I read five different pieces of reading on porn and the porn industry today. Three of them were actually scholarly articles, one was actually four chapters from a book for general audience on porn and the industry, and lastly a chapter names "How to Make It as a Porn Star" from porn superstar Jenna Jameson's controversial book, How to Make Love Like A Porn Star.
I don't know if it simply the amount of readings (80-100 pages) or the amount coupled with the subject matter, but I felt pretty drained from doing the readings, especially because I was reading and writing comments from the morning when I got up all the way up to when I left for class at 6pm. Of course, I took breaks in between, and met up with a professor, apart from that I spent a good part of my day immersed in reading about porn and the industry and writing comments about what I read.
So I arrived at class having spent the whole day reading and writing, and one of the questions we started with was on our feelings about pornography in general, since one of the readings dealt a decent amount with the anti-porn arguments, how they are framed, and whether they are convincing or not. According to the studies cited, we have yet to find an actual causal connection between pornography viewing and social problems such as violence against women, domestic abuse, and other harmful behavior that we often associate with pornography viewing. While I am against pornography (for obvious reasons), I also find it difficult to support the arguments against porn if there are no scientific evidence supporting it. Furthermore, the same reading had dismissed religious/moral arguments in a sentence saying something along the lines that those arguments only work for people who believe in God or follow a particular religion.
Anyways, several people started voicing their opinions, and most of it was something like...I got no problem with porn and here's why, or at most I see some potential dangers, but other than that it's not a big deal. Suddenly, I felt completely isolated, and if I say anything, I would most likely be labeled: conservative, religious, or what have you.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. I am sitting in a sociology class with three male students, one transgender, and about 8 female students that is on the sex industry in George Washington University in Washington, D.C. It's probably about as liberal, secular, and feminist as you can get. It's probably not too hard to tell that I am probably the most conservative person in the room. Yet I just wasn't prepared to make that known or be labeled as a conservative. I didn't want to have to explain that I was a Christian, and get further labeled as a "religious conservative". No, I went to Wheaton College and studied sociology there. I am suppose to be well rounded...Christian and firmly rooted in Biblical principles but intellectually open-minded and willing to discuss the difficult issues. Integration of faith and learning. I am not conservative, not at Wheaton. I liked to think of myself as moderate and that it depends on the issue. And most importantly, I didn't want to have to tell them that I am a Christian and that I believe pornography is wrong, but it's something that I and many other Christians continue to struggle with (yes, I said it). I didn't want to sound like a hypocrite, and I didn't want to explain my reasons.
To make the not-so-long story shorter...I ended up saying that I was against porn, and someone asked why I was against it. I said I am a Christian. And that was that. No one said anything more, and I guess I was entitled to my opinion just like they all are. But I don't know, maybe I got labeled tonight, or maybe I was labeled couple classes ago but I just didn't know it. Or maybe there was no label at all. I might find out in the coming weeks, or I might never found out.
But I know that tonight, I experienced a tiny bit of what it meant to defend my faith. Of course no one really challenged me, so didn't really need to "defend" it. But I did have to say I believe in something that seemed unpopular or counter-cultural because of my faith. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't easy either. I cared what other people would think of me if I claimed to be a Christian, and I cared how it might label me as something that I am but I hoped and thought I wasn't.
I felt ashamed of the Gospel, because I didn't want to claim it and consequently show my own brokenness and desperate need for it. They wouldn't understand...was my thought.
And they probably don't understand, or maybe they do. I don't know. But if...just if I was labeled tonight as something because of what I said. Maybe, hopefully, there will be times in class that I can talk as a Christian by say things that they didn't expect "Christians" to say. Maybe, just maybe, they can start to understand that those labels aren't that accurate anyways. Maybe there are some Christians who don't say or do the stereotypical Christian things. Maybe it will change even a tiny bit of their understanding of the Gospel.
Maybe I need to understand and come to terms with my brokenness so that I can truly embrace the Gospel in more profound ways, so that there is no shame to claim the Gospel of Christ. I need to learn that I would rather relabeled as a Christian, a follower of Christ, than to pass off as someone else.
LORD have mercy on me that I may live without shame for your Gospel.
That I may follow the Apostle Paul when he said, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
That you would grant me grace to boldly claim the name of your Son before men and women.
